Am I Bragging? Conversational Positivity

As potentially one of the least politically correct people I know, I often have a hard time finding the line between what is okay to discuss and, most importantly, how to discuss it. 

It seems that in society, even among the best of friends, talking about negative things is always okay (as long as you don't overdo it, of course, because then you're a whiner, a Debbie Downer). Upset with a boss? Bitch about it over cocktails. Frustrated with endless piles of work? By all means, we're here for you. Co-workers suck? Tiptoeing around silly office politics? Complete lack of accountability in others? Let it out, folks. 

But what about the truly good things? What about when good things happen and you're excited and want to share? What about when your efforts are commended, or you are given recognition and praise? What about when things are simply going well and you want to talk about that? The line gets fuzzy.

You think: well, can I just come out and say, "I got an award today!"? You think: am I going to look like a complete bragging ass for talking about how good things are going? You think: is it okay to be this visibly excited? 

Talking about and sharing good things, positive things is almost always harder than negative things. After all, think about your role as a responder to these instances: someone says "I had the WORST day today, I couldn't get a hold of anyone so 'x' project was delayed and then my co-worker completely dropped the ball on 'y' and of course my boss won't say anything or intervene. Then, I had to deal with this rude customer who all but insulted my intelligence and insisted to talk to my supervisor, despite my assurance that I was a supervisor. I feel so unappreciated and I just don't know what to do - there are only so many hours in a day!" 

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This, you think, is easy to react to: sympathy. Empathy. Words of encouragement. Maybe tidbits of advice, suggesting that she have one-on-one time with her boss and calmly explain the sources of frustration. Offer to take her out for lunch or happy hour and make her feel better, give her a safe space to vent. 

Believe me, I have needed exactly that reaction countless times in my life. My last position and employer was pretty terrible and my misery and anxiety levels were through the roof. I am so fortunate to have a myriad of great friends (and a great husband, of course) who would listen, who would offer support, who would be patient as I worked through my grumpiness, who would do everything necessary and really, truly try to make me feel better - and often times, they did. 

I'm not saying I'm unappreciative of those times or those people - quite the opposite. I am, however, saying that it's so much harder to broach sharing positive things. I'm still fortunately surrounded by supportive and caring people but with the exception of Jon, I felt compelled to ask if I could share good news with multiple people, or disclaimer it first. Granted, this particular exciting instance pertained to money, which is a whole other brag/not brag issue, but I really just wanted to share excitement.

"Is it okay to discuss things like raises and bonuses?" 

"I know it's not really acceptable to talk about money with others but I DGAF about social constructs." 

"Can I share good news with you?"

All things I found myself saying before sharing positive things that happened to me recently. Even if money weren't in the picture, I'm still pretty concerned about coming off as a snob or a bragger when sharing good news. 

Jon and I went to lunch recently with people we hadn't seen in a while. We were asked, "what's new and exciting with you guys?" I didn't even think to share my recent positive happenings - it didn't even cross my mind. I was ready to shrug and say, "nothing really exciting, just work and stuff," but Jon said, "Steph recently got a raise and a bonus. She's only been there since September." That opened the door to a new conversation, one about work, what exactly I do, what the company does - stuff I could honestly talk about for forever. My co-worker likes to joke that we're drinking the Kool-Aid and it's true: I'm all in when it comes to work. 

But even with that, even with Jon laying the groundwork on my/our behalf, there are questions to be asked. Is it only okay to share good news when someone else does it for you? Is it only okay to be publically, grinningly excited about things of this nature when it's introduced by someone else? What is the proper way to say, "I did this one thing, it went really well and I've gotten tons of recognition for it. It even led to this new avenue and now I'm involved in x, y and z because of it!"? I'm sure there is also a discussion in there about a man saying it on behalf of a woman, or whether or not it's because I'm a woman that I feel and think this way - but that's not one I want to get into, not now, anyway.

For my part, I hope that I encourage those in my life to share good things with me. I'm a pretty big, loud, sometimes pushy personality, so I have no qualms asking specifics questions and digging deep. In fact, I recently gave one of my best friends shit for not keeping me posted on something she was pursuing that had worked in her favor. "Why didn't you tell me, you weirdo?! I'm so excited for you!" When people share good news, I try to always be excited - I do a lot of "EEEEEEEE!" And "YAY!" In person, I'm happy to buy a round (or two. . .or more. . .) of shots and make oodles of toasts in their honor. Good news deserves celebration - no matter what it is! Work-related, finance-related, home-related, family-related, whatever: if there's one thing I've learned from reading theSkimm every day, it's that there is enough in this world to be sad, concerned, angry and/or frustrated with - happiness of any nature deserves attention.

I don't know what the answer is to any of the questions I've posed, really. Maybe there isn't one. Maybe this entire post can be interpreted as me passively aggressively bragging - who knows? I know that I think, overthink and re-think most things and when it comes to positivity, I'm a little frustrated with the process. And hey, if anyone starts to get snobby or annoying about his/her happiness, let's just call the person out and move on to happiness in other aspects.

Feel free to share with me friends: what's something AMAZING that happened to you recently?! Share your good news, talk about what's recently had you excited! Call this a safe space for all things awesome. I'm ready.